Were the Duggar’s Being Hypocrites by Protecting Their Son’s
Privacy?
Mom to Mom
I am going to step out on a limb here because I have been
pretty heartbroken over the way a family has been treated regarding the temptations
and heartbreaking choices a CHILD of theirs made.
As a mother of many children, I hope to share my personal, but very heartfelt convictions on what should and what should not ever be shared openly about your children on ANY public media. While dad’s certainly are in charge of this area in a child’s life, moms play a very important role, as well, and I only feel comfortable giving this advice to other moms.
As a mother of many children, I hope to share my personal, but very heartfelt convictions on what should and what should not ever be shared openly about your children on ANY public media. While dad’s certainly are in charge of this area in a child’s life, moms play a very important role, as well, and I only feel comfortable giving this advice to other moms.
Unfortunately, I will have to give a whole lot of background
here before I get to my main points. I have seen a whole lot of media attention
aimed at the Duggar family. For those of you who know what I am talking about,
you will know that I will be discussing the issue of parenting when life hands
you seriously nightmarish issues that you never thought could happen to you.
For those of you who don’t know what I am referring to, I am
going to warn you ahead of time that this is very heartbreaking and somewhat
explicit.
I am not a faithful fan of
the show, “19 Kids and Counting” or the Duggar Family and many of their strict
philosophies, even though you may think our family is an offshoot of their
ideologies. When I have watched their show, it has however, given me a respect
for their convictions, their gentleness and love for one another. I have even seen an openness and
willingness to show themselves as real people, flaws and all.
I said all of that just so you know that I am not a staunch fan, but rather, more of a distant and occasional onlooker. For those of you who don’t know, the eldest son, 27-year-old, Josh Dugger has recently been in the news for problems he had when he was 14-years-old. He was caught in sexual sin, he “inappropriately touched minors” and admitted them...
I said all of that just so you know that I am not a staunch fan, but rather, more of a distant and occasional onlooker. For those of you who don’t know, the eldest son, 27-year-old, Josh Dugger has recently been in the news for problems he had when he was 14-years-old. He was caught in sexual sin, he “inappropriately touched minors” and admitted them...
In a statement first provided
to People magazine
and then posted to Facebook, Josh admitted, "Twelve years ago, as a young
teenager, I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret.
I hurt others, including my family and close friends. ... I sought forgiveness
from those I had wronged." Josh, now 27 but 14 at the time of
the first alleged incident, admitted he told his father of his actions.
"I confessed this to my
parents who took several steps to help me address the situation. We spoke with
the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me
and those affected by my actions to receive counseling. I understood that if I
continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life," he
said.
The parents realized that their 14-year-old son was in sin and I agree, it would have been very upsetting to learn of this. They did get the boy, who was still a child himself, as well as the girls involved counseling. He admitted to his sin, was extremely upset and says he repented and asked for forgiveness.
The parents realized that their 14-year-old son was in sin and I agree, it would have been very upsetting to learn of this. They did get the boy, who was still a child himself, as well as the girls involved counseling. He admitted to his sin, was extremely upset and says he repented and asked for forgiveness.
Now, I cannot know his heart,
I can only know what he says. I read about it and what I found was that the
parents sent him to a “work camp” for discipline, and then took him to the
police. The police decided that he was sorry, underage and to keep an eye on
him. His parents then took him to the “elders” of their church and he repented in
front of their congregation.
These are the words of the parents,
"Back 12 years ago our family went through one of the most difficult times of our lives," Jim Bob, 49, and Michelle, 48, said in a joint statement. "When Josh was a young teenager, he made some very bad mistakes, and we were shocked. We had tried to teach him right from wrong. That dark and difficult time caused us to seek God like never before."
Here is where I would like to stop and think as a mother. I see the media and sadly, even some Christians calling this family and this boy hypocrites. That really is heartbreaking to me.
These are the words of the parents,
"Back 12 years ago our family went through one of the most difficult times of our lives," Jim Bob, 49, and Michelle, 48, said in a joint statement. "When Josh was a young teenager, he made some very bad mistakes, and we were shocked. We had tried to teach him right from wrong. That dark and difficult time caused us to seek God like never before."
Here is where I would like to stop and think as a mother. I see the media and sadly, even some Christians calling this family and this boy hypocrites. That really is heartbreaking to me.
This reminds me of the men who caught the
woman in the “very act of adultery.” While they all stood around finding ways
to condemn her, Jesus reminds them that they are also not without sin. Still,
he tells her that although he will not condemn her, “Go, from now on sin no
more.”
Does this sin from the past of a 14 year old
boy haunt him for the rest of his life? Is this something we can say is a “log
in his eye” so that he can never speak against sin again? (John 8:4-11)
From a mother’s point of view, I see an even
more dangerous teaching lurking here! That is the idea that when a child is
caught in a sin, no matter how disturbing, it is the responsibility of the
parent and the right of the world to share this sin with all who might be curious
to hear! I am getting very weary with this technological society that says that
all my information is also your information. We live in a world of social media
where we share what we ate, when we go to sleep, what our mood is, when we have
a boyfriend/girlfriend, and that person may find out about a new love on social
media before he/she finds out about a break-up!
Moms, I have seen a concerning trend of
parenting and complaining about our children on-line. Our children have precious, delicate hearts. God trusted us with their sweet spirits. While there may be
a time to reach out because your child has gotten to the point of being
wayward, social media is NOT the place to share your grievances about your
children.
Our children should be able to trust us above anyone else in this world. If they are struggling with a secret sin, then they should be able to come to us for counsel, forgiveness, strength and love. This is the truest picture of Christ and His love for us. If they know that we are the kind of parents who would share this with social media, I guarantee you, you are GOING to lose their trust. Consider these scriptures. While some of these speak to fathers, we moms are to be our husbands helpmeets in every area, and of course, raising our children is one of the most important areas that we are involved in. Our children love us and depend on us. Think about your own children as you read these.
Titus 2:3-4, “Older women likewise are to be reverent
in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching
what is good, 4 so that
they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…”
Eph 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your
children to anger, but bring them
up in
the discipline and instruction of
the Lord.”
Col 3:21, “Fathers, do not exasperate your
children, so that they will not
lose heart.”
on his children,
So the
Lord has compassion
on those who fear Him.”
I applaud the majority of parents who
protect and value the privacy of their child. I am so thankful for the majority of mothers out there who are raising up godly children and doing this while strengthening their own relationships with them. That goes for dads, too. I believe this is because as a church, we have been loved and forgiven within our own church families. Most Christians know that Christ forgave us and this love and forgiveness is re-lived regularly among brothers and sisters of God's people!
However, this recent occurrence
caused me to remember a trend that I have been noticing that has been alarming. I am certain that this is done out of ignorance and I am certain moms would never willingly hurt their children. Because of this, I am reaching out to share how very damaging and detrimental this practice will be to your relationship with your child and even worse, their trust in God. Please consider the hearts of your children when you take your grievances with them to
the web in any form. Be the source of strength, love and trust your children need.
If adults sin and can find forgiveness, then
certainly we need to extend that grace and forgiveness to our children and not mar their
reputations before they are capable of standing strong on their own without the
help of their parents.
I am so thankful for the Bride of Christ! I have been the recipient of love and forgiveness in my past and I am so grateful that all my sins have not been plastered all over the internet! I am thankful that I have sisters in Christ and my immediate family who I can share my sins that I struggle with and need to confess and ask their prayers for while trusting they would never speak a word of them to anyone else. I imagine most of you feel the same way?
Be this for your children, too.
Your children are depending on you!
God
chose you to be their protectors for this short time of their lives.
Live up to
that Moms!!
