Parents Protect Your Children

Were the Duggar’s Being Hypocrites by Protecting Their Son’s Privacy?

Mom to Mom

I am going to step out on a limb here because I have been pretty heartbroken over the way a family has been treated regarding the temptations and heartbreaking choices a CHILD of theirs made.

As a mother of many children, I hope to share my personal, but very heartfelt convictions on what should and what should not ever be shared openly about your children on ANY public media. While dad’s certainly are in charge of this area in a child’s life, moms play a very important role, as well, and I only feel comfortable giving this advice to other moms.

Unfortunately, I will have to give a whole lot of background here before I get to my main points. I have seen a whole lot of media attention aimed at the Duggar family. For those of you who know what I am talking about, you will know that I will be discussing the issue of parenting when life hands you seriously nightmarish issues that you never thought could happen to you.

For those of you who don’t know what I am referring to, I am going to warn you ahead of time that this is very heartbreaking and somewhat explicit.

I am not a faithful fan of the show, “19 Kids and Counting” or the Duggar Family and many of their strict philosophies, even though you may think our family is an offshoot of their ideologies. When I have watched their show, it has however, given me a respect for their convictions, their gentleness and love for one another.   I have even seen an openness and willingness to show themselves as real people, flaws and all.

I said all of that just so you know that I am not a staunch fan, but rather, more of a distant and occasional onlooker. For those of you who don’t know, the eldest son, 27-year-old, Josh Dugger has recently been in the news for problems he had when he was 14-years-old. He was caught in sexual sin, he “inappropriately touched minors” and admitted them...

In a statement first provided to People magazine and then posted to Facebook, Josh admitted, "Twelve years ago, as a young teenager, I acted inexcusably for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret. I hurt others, including my family and close friends. ... I sought forgiveness from those I had wronged." Josh, now 27 but 14 at the time of the first alleged incident, admitted he told his father of his actions.

"I confessed this to my parents who took several steps to help me address the situation. We spoke with the authorities where I confessed my wrongdoing, and my parents arranged for me and those affected by my actions to receive counseling. I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life," he said.

The parents realized that their 14-year-old son was in sin and I agree, it would have been very upsetting to learn of this. They did get the boy, who was still a child himself, as well as the girls involved counseling. He admitted to his sin, was extremely upset and says he repented and asked for forgiveness.

Now, I cannot know his heart, I can only know what he says. I read about it and what I found was that the parents sent him to a “work camp” for discipline, and then took him to the police. The police decided that he was sorry, underage and to keep an eye on him. His parents then took him to the “elders” of their church and he repented in front of their congregation.

These are the words of the parents,
"Back 12 years ago our family went through one of the most difficult times of our lives," Jim Bob, 49, and Michelle, 48, said in a joint statement. "When Josh was a young teenager, he made some very bad mistakes, and we were shocked. We had tried to teach him right from wrong. That dark and difficult time caused us to seek God like never before."

Here is where I would like to stop and think as a mother. I see the media and sadly, even some Christians calling this family and this boy hypocrites. That really is heartbreaking to me.

This reminds me of the men who caught the woman in the “very act of adultery.” While they all stood around finding ways to condemn her, Jesus reminds them that they are also not without sin. Still, he tells her that although he will not condemn her, “Go, from now on sin no more.”

Does this sin from the past of a 14 year old boy haunt him for the rest of his life? Is this something we can say is a “log in his eye” so that he can never speak against sin again? (John 8:4-11)

From a mother’s point of view, I see an even more dangerous teaching lurking here! That is the idea that when a child is caught in a sin, no matter how disturbing, it is the responsibility of the parent and the right of the world to share this sin with all who might be curious to hear! I am getting very weary with this technological society that says that all my information is also your information. We live in a world of social media where we share what we ate, when we go to sleep, what our mood is, when we have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and that person may find out about a new love on social media before he/she finds out about a break-up!

Moms, I have seen a concerning trend of parenting and complaining about our children on-line. Our children have precious, delicate hearts. God trusted us with their sweet spirits. While there may be a time to reach out because your child has gotten to the point of being wayward, social media is NOT the place to share your grievances about your children. 

Our children should be able to trust us above anyone else in this world. If they are struggling with a secret sin, then they should be able to come to us for counsel, forgiveness, strength and love. This is the truest picture of Christ and His love for us. If they know that we are the kind of parents who would share this with social media, I guarantee you, you are GOING to lose their trust. Consider these scriptures. While some of these speak to fathers, we moms are to be our husbands helpmeets in every area, and of course, raising our children is one of the most important areas that we are involved in. Our children love us and depend on us. Think about your own children as you read these.

Titus 2:3-4, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…”

                          Eph 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your                       

                              children to anger, but bring them up in

                           the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

                         Col 3:21, “Fathers, do not exasperate your

                              children, so that they will not lose heart.”

                         Psalm 103:13, “Just as a father has compassion

                              on his children,
 So the Lord has compassion 

                           on those who fear Him.”

I applaud the majority of parents who protect and value the privacy of their child. I am so thankful for the majority of mothers out there who are raising up godly children and doing this while strengthening their own relationships with them. That goes for dads, too. I believe this is because as a church, we have been loved and forgiven within our own church families. Most Christians know that Christ forgave us and this love and forgiveness is re-lived regularly among brothers and sisters of God's people! 

However, this recent occurrence caused me to remember a trend that I have been noticing that has been alarming. I am certain that this is done out of ignorance and I am certain moms would never willingly hurt their children. Because of this, I am reaching out to share how very damaging and detrimental this practice will be to your relationship with your child and even worse, their trust in God. Please consider the hearts of your children when you take your grievances with them to the web in any form. Be the source of strength, love and trust your children need.

If adults sin and can find forgiveness, then certainly we need to extend that grace and forgiveness to our children and not mar their reputations before they are capable of standing strong on their own without the help of their parents. 

I am so thankful for the Bride of Christ! I have been the recipient of love and forgiveness in my past and I am so grateful that all my sins have not been plastered all over the internet! I am thankful that I have sisters in Christ and my immediate family who I can share my sins that I struggle with and need to confess and ask their prayers for while trusting they would never speak a word of them to anyone else. I imagine most of you feel the same way? 

Be this for your children, too. 

Your children are depending on you! 

God chose you to be their protectors for this short time of their lives. 

Live up to that Moms!! 

Can You Hear That?!

Can you hear that?!!!                                                    

What is that sound?

That is the loudest thing I have ever heard!!

It is all over facebook and every major news network is trying to figure it out!

The sound is so loud that it is deafening!!

It sounds so beautiful!! Don’t you think so???

Some are saying it is a frightening sound.

People are going crazy!

Running out of their homes to try to figure out what it could be!!

Every country, the same thing! Hurry, run outside!!

Trumpets, louder, and clearer…like crystal…no…like THUNDER!!!

My heart is filled with JOY!!

Some are laying on the ground hiding their faces in terror.

Could it really be? Could HE be here??!!

If He were, would you be excited?

Would you be scared?

Would you be running to your window to see?

Or would you want to run and hide?

Of course, you would just KNOW deep down inside yourself that it would be too late.

I would not have time to sit at my computer.

I would not have time to warn you; to explain.

I could not explain to you Who, “He” is.

I would be on my way to be with my Lord.

Would you?

Do you know of these trumpets I speak of?

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18:

“16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.”

*(emphasis mine)

It is important to note that these verses in context are a letter written to followers of Christ. Notice the dead “in Christ”. There is a common thread throughout scripture that clearly teaches how to be “in Christ”.

Matthew 24:36-39:

 “36 But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. 37 For as were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. 38 For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, 39 and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.”

Clearly, this day will be a surprise.

This question was shared with us during a devotional last night:

“If you knew that Jesus was going to come within the next 24 hours, what would you do differently? Would you call your loved ones? Would you tell as many as you could about Christ? 

Would you spend hours in prayer?”

Perhaps you don’t even know Jesus.

Maybe you don’t know what you need to do to be “in Christ”?

If you have taken the word of someone else that you have done the right thing or taken the right steps to “be a Christian”, maybe it is time for you to be sure that you have asked the Lord if you have.

I remember once, long ago coming across these verses:

Matthew 7:21-23:

“21 Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

*There will be many very GOOD people who really believed that they had done many good things FOR the Lord who Jesus will say that He never knew!

It is out of my love for those people that I write this!

If you have read this very long letter to you so far, please know that I love you all!

Also please know that if you have any questions about what the Bible has to say about salvation and how to be sure you are “in Christ”, then I would LOVE to study with you!! Jesus really did make it easy.

I hear often that there are many paths to heaven.
RIGHT ABOVE THE VERSES WHERE JESUS SAYS, “I WILL DECLARE TO THEM, I NEVER KNEW YOU…”…WITHIN HIS VERY SAME SERMON, HE SAYS,

Matt 7:13-14:

“13 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

Jesus said that; not Laura.

I love you!!

I pray that when the trumpet sounds, we all go meet Him together!!

Searching For Mr. Darcy

            I recently saw a facebook game that young

girls are playing called, “Jane Austen Unbound,”

where Miss Bennett and Mr. Darcy “have escaped from Pride and Prejudice, and they’re conspiring with the heroes of Jane’s other great novels! But to what end? That’s for you to discover as you solve hidden object puzzles, challenge your friends, and build your own home in the world of Jane Austen.” The young girl who I spoke to understood that everyone was on a mission to marry Mr. Darcy.

As a mom, I would rather that my daughter daydreams about marrying a man like Mr. Darcy, than obsessing about the popular teen idols of the day. And while this is a sweet, seemingly harmless game, how often do we as moms share with our daughters the traits and values that they should be praying about in a husband? How often do we tell them that we are grateful for the godly husbands that the Lord has provided us with, if we have been so blessed?

            I will be the first to admit that I am a Jane Austen fan. I think that enjoying some sweet, pure and moral reading and movies is a wonderful way to spend time together with my daughters. I also believe that Miss Austen taught a whole lot of wonderful valuable lessons. However, I think that just like fairytales, young girls can raise the bar and compare future men who are interested in them as wives or even their own husbands to their ideal of “Mr. Darcy” just as if he were Prince Charming. So it is our job, moms, to teach our daughters reality –vs.- fantasy; because, none of us happen to be Miss. Bennett or a Princess, either.

            In every day life, the Mr. that I pray my daughters marry will need to be a man devoted to God. He would need to love Him more than he loves himself. He would need to love Him more than he loves my daughter. He would need to love Him more than he loves anyone else. Because if he doesn’t; then everything else will not fall into place.

In everyday life, the Mr. that I pray my daughters marry will love her more than any other person on earth and will always be faithful to her in mind and body. He will only have eyes for her and will gently, but firmly lead her to always be a stronger Christian and student of God’s Word.

            In everyday life, the Mr. that I pray my daughters marry will be trustworthy and a man who trusts the Lord. He will teach His family to have faith when times get hard, because there will be those times. He will be a prayerful man and will always lead his family in prayer during those difficult times.

           

            In everyday life, the Mr. that I pray my daughters marry will be a man who will raise his family to serve the Lord.  He will be a Daddy who is a tenderhearted father while being a consistent disciplinarian and will teach their children all about His God.

           

            In everyday life, the Mr. that I pray my daughters marry will be a man who is a servant because Christ was a servant. He will be a man who will help his wife when she is sick or sad or just tired. He will serve the church and those who need help.

            And Yes, In everyday life, the Mr. that I pray my daughters marry will be a romantic man who makes her smile and laugh and giddy inside. But I want her to remember that everyday he will not be this person. He is human and he will still love you even on those days that he is not all these things. He is still your loving husband who God gave you and tomorrow or the next day, when maybe you are not so tired, he will make you laugh and giddy and just remember what this mom is telling you…

            In everyday life, I also pray that my daughters strive to be all of these things for her God and for her husband. Real life is about love and commitment and honor and serving each other; because God gave you the gift of marriage and that is true love! Romance is not the goal, real romance is something you work at together. It is not something you deserve. It is something you nurture in one another.

I would not trade my “Mr. Warnes” in for a “Mr. Darcy” for all the riches in the world. He is all of the things that I described and more! Remember to remind your daughters of this.

With Much Love,
Mrs. Warnes

Hospitality is required

Is hospitality something that God requires of the Christian, or is it simply something nice to do for those you love or those that you enjoy entertaining? Is it an activity performed by only those who are gifted to cook great meals and able to afford luxuries such as expensive food and decorations? Not only is the service of hospitality mentioned in scripture often, it is given as a command.  First, hospitality was commanded to the Hebrews in the Old Testament.  Second, hospitality is commanded to Christians in the New Testament.  And third, hospitality is commanded in the New Testament as a requirement for Elders and their wives, as well as for widows “indeed.”

First, hospitality is commanded and taught in the Old Testament. God reminds His people of their personal discomfort while being travelers and strangers in strange lands.  They knew what it was like to be at the mercy of others, and likewise, He expected His people to show mercy to others. Exodus 23:9 says, “You shall not oppress a stranger, since you yourselves know the feelings of a stranger, for you also were strangers in the land of Egypt.   This is also seen in Leviticus 19:33-34: “When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.  The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the Lord your God.”

God also used this idea of being strangers to remind the Israelites of the needs of others who had no home or means of food; including widows and orphans.  In Leviticus 19:9-10 God commands them to remember those in need:  “Now when you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap to the very corners of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. Nor shall you glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather the fallen fruit of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the needy and for the stranger. I am the Lord your God.”  Another example is found in Deuteronomy 10:18-19 “He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing. So show your love for the alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.”  In Deuteronomy 26:12 God requires, “When you have finished paying all the tithe of your increase in the third year, the year of tithing, then you shall give it to the Levite, to the stranger, to the orphan and to the widow, that they may eat in your towns and be satisfied.”

Second, hospitality is commanded and taught in the New Testament.  As with many other commandments in the OT that Jesus expects His followers to obey in even more meaningful ways for His kingdom, hospitality is both encouraged and commanded even more strongly in the NT than previously taught. Jesus teaches that just claiming Christ as Lord is not enough. He teaches that in order to truly be a follower of Christ and to be accepted by Him, we must show our love towards His children outwardly.  In Matthew 25:34-46, Jesus very clearly says that unless we feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, take in the stranger, cloth the poor, visit the sick of heart and spirit, etc, we will not inherit eternal life.

Jesus emphasizes exactly who is in need of true hospitality in Luke 14:12-14, “And He also went on to say to the one who had invited Him, ‘When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.’”

Not only did Jesus command this, but God chose to include many more examples in the NT of hospitality. In Romans we are told to be devoted to one another in brotherly love and in chapter 12:13 it concludes these commandments with, “contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.”  Hebrews 13:2 says, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.”  Also, 1 Peter 4:9says, “Be hospitable to one another without complaint.” The Apostle John encourages hospitality in 3 John 5, “Beloved, you are acting faithfully in whatever you accomplish for the brethren, and especially when they are strangers;”

Third, hospitality is commanded as a requirement for certain positions or rewards.  Paul clearly teaches that without being hospitable, a man is not qualified to be an elder.  First Timothy 3:2 states,  “An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife… hospitable.” Likewise, a woman who loses her husband through death cannot be “put on the list” to be served and taken care of by the church if she did not practice hospitality in her lifetime.  1 Timothy 2:9-10 explains, “A widow is to be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old…if she has shown hospitality to strangers.”

We clearly see that enjoying the company of those that you enjoy being around is not the only way to show hospitality.  Furthermore, the Israelites of the OT were required to show hospitality.  NT Christians are commanded by Jesus and His Word to practice hospitality if we want our Father in heaven to accept us on our Day of Judgment.  Hospitality is even a requirement for one to be an elder, for wives of elders and for widows to be taken care of by the church! Our Lord takes hospitality very seriously and every follower of Christ must practice showing their love for others and for Him by obeying this commandment.

By Laura Warnes
Laura Warnes and her husband Jon serve with the Miller Street church of Christ in Arvada, CO. Jon is the Director of Alumni Relations for the Bear Valley Bible Institute of Denver. Laura is a homeschooling mom to their seven children still at home, (two have flown the coup) and is also a proud grandma to two beautiful granddaughters and a handsome grandson.

Even in The Most Difficult of Circumstances, There is Joy!

Have you ever cried tears of joy? I remember once when Aaron was just an infant of 12 days old; it was one of the most difficult times for Jon and I as parents. Seven days earlier we had rushed our sweet little baby into the ER after a long night of calling the hospital because he refused to eat and finally he was now having violent seizures. It took nearly 24 hours to stop the seizures and now they were handing my tiny little boy back to me, telling me that he had only dehydrated and if I fed him tonight, we could go home. Since this was our 8^th baby, deep down inside I knew there must be something more going on and I was very frightened. I was terrified that he simply would not eat. For the first 4 hours he refused and I panicked. My husband had gone home to be with the other children and I felt alone. I prayed, but continued to worry. I was suddenly reminded of the song, “Be Still and Know That I Am God.” I must admit, I still panicked, but I put my child, who was sound asleep in his bed, right next to me, I lay down and admitted to the Lord that I did not know how to be still. I cried out to my God that I knew I would not be able to sleep that night, but I would try to trust in Him and attempted to close my eyes. The next thing I remember was waking up to my crying, very hungry son…four hours later. He ate every 2-3 hours after that! I learned such a comforting lesson, My God is Able and HE IS GOD!

I chose this topic because sometimes I still struggle with finding joy during moments of great trials and fear. Shame on me! Do you ever feel like one of the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness and no matter how many times the Lord does mighty wonders in your life, you still cry out and complain instead of exalting in His mighty wonders and power when trials come your way? I sure do! Well, there are answers! We will look at Biblical examples of overcoming fear and hardships and finding joy in the midst of them.

First, even in difficult circumstances, we can find Biblical examples of people praying joyfully. In 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 we find that we must pray for each other and in 2 Corinthians 1:5, we will find comfort in abundance when we share in Christ’s sufferings and we can do this through prayer. In Acts 12:6-16 we find Rhoda, the servant-girl and many people praying for Peter and he is released and they are joyful for his return!

Second, even in difficult circumstances, we can find Biblical examples of people preaching joyfully. The Apostles are beaten in Acts 5:40-42, yet even then they rejoice and are teaching and preaching,“and when they had called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name. And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.”We can read in Acts 13:50-14:1 that Paul and Barnabas taught and are filled with joy. And in Acts 14:19-22, after Paul is beaten, Paul and Barnabas preached, encouraging the disciples in the faith. Also, in Philippians 1:12-14 we are admonished to teach without fear, by Paul. Third, and finally, even in difficult circumstances, we can find Biblical examples of people singing joyfully. Acts 16:22-32 is the beautiful and inspiring picture of pure faith and joy, “The crowd joined in attacking them, and the magistrates tore the garments off them and gave orders to beat them with rods. And when they had inflicted many blows upon them, they threw them into prison, ordering the jailer to keep them safely. Having received this order, he put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them,” While Paul and Silas are found singing here, you also find the example of them praying and later teaching, as well. This example of great faith and teaching resulted in the conversions of the jailer and his household.

We can go back into the OT to find other examples of singing. The most obvious is found in the book of Psalms. David regularly sings to the Lord during times of extreme trials. Psalm 6 is a wonderful example of a moment of despair turning to praise through song!

This is my favorite way to battle fear. It seems to calm my fears now, as well as the fears of my own children. It certainly seems like the easiest and most calming thing to do when our fears are at their highest. Songs that may help when you want to praise God instead of being fearful and when you would rather find joy might be songs that make us think about Jesus and His strength.

· Master the Tempest is Raging

“The winds and the waves shall obey Thy will, Peace be still!

Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea, Or demons, or men, or what-ever it be,

No water can swallow the ship where lies The Master of ocean and earth and skies;

They all shall sweetly obey Thy will, Peace be still! Peace be still!”

· Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace.”

· Tell Me the Story of Jesus

“Tell of the cross where they nailed Him, Writhing in anguish and pain.

Tell of the grave where they laid Him, Tell how he liveth again.

Love in that story so tender, Clearer than ever I see.

Stay let me weep while you whisper, ‘Love paid the ransom for me’

Tell me the story of Jesus, Write on my heart every word,

Tell me the story most precious, Sweetest that ever was heard.”

· Lamb of God

“I was so lost, I should have died, But You have brought me to Your side

to be lead by Your staff and rod, And to be called a lamb of God,

O Lamb of God, sweet Lamb of God, I love the holy Lamb of God. O wash me in

His precious blood. My Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God.”

Our trials and fears can turn to praise if we follow the examples set before us. Instead of dwelling on those fears or being taken down by our trials or temptations, we can train our thoughts to dwell on joyous things. We can choose to pray to the Lord and give all of our cares over to Him in order to find joy. We might even find ourselves being bold enough by choosing to let go completely of our fears and preach Christ and His Gospel to others! Take some first steps by choosing to step outside of our bitterness and fear and simply sing praises to the King. We can invite others to join us in song and even use this as a tool to reach others for Christ. The joy that we will feel will be evident and contagious and very soon our trials and fears will be things of the past!

(Originally posted http://comefillyourcup.wordpress.com, October 24th)